The 2nd Editorial

Today, I received back the eagerly awaited second editorial review from Janet Laurence. I love reading the overview first, to see where I've done good, but is always followed up by the but...


The difference with this review is that it is much more about the transition from good to better. What remains now is for me to do the work and make that transition to excellent.

In general:

"It is a good plot, you shift the focus on the possible identity and motive of Angie’s killer and the slight change to the denouement works extremely well."

Further improvements I summarised for my own purposes as:

• Giving too much background information in places - need to reduce use of narrative and increase the dialogue which works very well;
• The plot hangs together nicely. However, summaries and updates of progress could be used in dialogue more often to cement the important stuff;

"It is complicated and uses a large cast but you keep everything under control, never losing sight of the main strands." 

• The level of tension  in the book is now good, but again there are areas where it could be tightened even further;
• Much has been done to bring the characters to further to life, bringing in their private lives and showing their flaws as well as their attractive qualities. More can be done here given that they will flow into subsequent books in the series. Sow the seeds...

"You have a valuable knack of creating real people out of characters who are only bit players, such as Borden’s sister. They increase the interest of your book and help keep your readers reading." 

• Dialogue is a major strength but overusing he said/she said where it isn't needed. Use it to better effect by including more detail on setting and actions;

"You write good dialogue, its put over the character of the person speaking as well as driving the story forward." 

• The theme of how a child's relationship with their parents can mark them for life runs nicely through a number of characters, but again this could be improved subtly without ramming it home;
• The use of distinct POV within chapters works very well but occasional changes find their way in - clean this up;
• The literary style is fluent but could do with some simplification of phrasing and the reduction use of words which could be substituted to make it flow better.

So, now to the editing once again. Re-read and re-evaluate on the basis of the excellent feedback from Janet. It will be worth it...

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